Insanity
by xx Chiyo Ai xx
Summary: I'm the monster. The monster. A soulless, heartless, ruthless monster.
1. Chapter 1 - Entering The Asylum

"YOU...YOUR SOULLESS!" The man screamed at the top of his lungs as if he could be saved. As if he could be rescued from my grasp. I had tied him up and had left him on the floor vowing to kill him later. But he just crossed the line.

The knife in my hand twitched.

I was being called soulless again. I looked at the man who dared utter such words. This wasn't the first time. I have always been called heartless, ruthless, and especially soulless. Was I really that cruel? I didn't let my doubt show on my face, I was to far gone to even care if it did though.

"Soulless?" I harshly whispered loudly enough to be heard. "YOU are soulless. EVERYONE IS SOULLESS!" I laughed like a maniac. I gazed into the man's horrified eyes almost crying from my laughter. My eyes were blue, as blue as the sea some would say. But that would mean I would be being called water. And water is an empty abyss. Just as empty as people say I am.

I raised my knife and dug it into his skull. Once. Twice. Three times. I was laughing all the way.

This man had lied, said he loved me. Said he didn't care about anyone else. That was when I saw him with another girl, making love to her in OUR BED. I had said I was off on business but decided to come back early to find that scene before me. After killing the girl where she lay, I tied my fake-beloved up. I was going to kill him later. But he uttered the words I hated the most.

My blonde hair fell into my eyes while tears made their way down my face. I began to weep uncontrollably. After a few minutes a heard police sirens. "The neighbors must have heard us." I said aloud through sobs. Then I smiled widely, laughing. Laughing again. Everyone was soulless. Thats right. It wasn't me, it was never me. That's when the police burst through my door.

"Chiyo Ai, female, age 23."

I was holding a sign with numbers on it while getting my picture taken. The last few days were a blur, and when the police questioned me all I would do was laugh. What else could I do? Then in walked two large men into the room I was in. They took my arms. I dropped the sign. I thought about trying to break free but instead I let tears run down my face. I dropped my head down.

Next thing I knew I was in a room with all white walls and everything felt plushy. After being pushed in by the two large men, they shut a door that seemed when closed, like it was never there to begin with. Like I had no escape.

"Where am I?"

That's when I realized it. I'm in an insane asylum. Does this make me insane? I looked at my hand and rolled all over the floor laughing.

"Soulless! I was never the soulless one!" Suddenly I stopped. I looked around the room I was in once more, hoping something was in here with me. I was alone in this empty room. Empty. Just like me. Empty. Empty. Empty.

I began to scream. Tears rolling down my face. Two shapes coming in the room. I stopped my crying and smiled widely when I saw them. It's not empty anymore. I'm not empty. I ran and jumped onto one of the figures. Holding onto it like my life depended on it. Once again tears came as quickly back as they had stopped. That's when the figure talked to me.

"Are you okay?" The mans voice wasn't cruel. It was soft and nice. I looked up into his eyes. Red flames met empty blues. He had sharp hair that was a deep black. He was wearing a jacket with beige colored fur around the hood, wrists, and bottom. Along with a black v neck and black pants. I nodded and kept looking as if entranced.

"Could you let go of me...it's kind of tight." I released my grip on him.

"Oi flea, leave her alone. Lets go since she's calmed down." The man next to him said. He had blonde hair and honey colored eyes. He also was wearing a bartenders uniform.

That's when I realized they were going to leave. They were going to leave me. To be in this empty abyss. The place as cold as my heart. Suddenly the man I had been hugging slapped his accomplice. The slapped man quickly recovered and yelled loudly at the red eyed man.

"DAMN YOU IZAYA! Your lucky this was the only job I could find." The blonde growled.

"Tch, your a monster so I don't even know how you got this job. Besides, you shouldn't be so rude Shizu-chan. She obviously doesn't want to be alone."

I giggled suddenly and both of the men turned to look at me. "Izaya. Shizu-chan." I said in a sing-song voice. These two were so kind. So kind. Kind. I tilted my head and smiled at them both. "I like you. Your both so kind." Tears rolled down past my smile.

"Oi! Flea she's crying. She even took your stupid nickname for me."

Izaya took off his coat and put it on me as if it would protect me. He rubbed my back and whispered in my ear. "Don't worry I love you, because I love all humans." I looked into his eyes. "No.." I whispered. Shaking my head I began to speak now my voice cracking through the words.

"I'm ruthless, I'm soulless, I'm a heartless empty monster!"

Izaya looked shocked at first and then...and then Izaya laughed. To other people it must've looked like he was crazy..but I loved it. It enchanted me. His laugh.

"I think her mind has twisted around! There's only one person like that and it's Shizu-chan!"

I saw the blonde twitch and make his hands into fists.

"Flea do you have a death wish?!" He yelled at Izaya.

Izaya shook his head. "Quite the opposite, I want immortality."

Shizu-chan looked horrified. "This world couldn't take an eternity of YOU!"

Then I laughed. I laughed until my sides hurt.

"I love you! I love you Izaya! Shizu-chan is the monster! I knew it couldn't be me!"

I saw Izaya freeze at my words.

Then I ran up to Shizu-chan and hugged him.

"Oi! My name is Shizuo...and what are you doing?!"

That's when I whispered in his ear. "Your a monster. A monster. An empty soulless monster. The one that I was." I laughed.

Shizuo shoved me off him and just growled at me. Izaya finally broke out of his frozen state.

"You love me back? A human loves me back?" He blinked as if it was new information he had never heard before. Then there was a minute of silence.

Then I blink. "I'm a human?" I ask suddenly breaking the depths of this silence.

Now they were both looking at me. I tilted my head. "What else would you be?" Izaya asked cautiously.

"I don't know." I say, because truly I couldn't remember anything since that night my fake-beloved betrayed me.


	2. Chapter 2 - What am I?

**Ok so I finally figured out what to make myself. Thanks Lovely-Dark-Shadows san and alwaysblu chan! Your ideas led me to one monster perfect for my character. I thought in my first book people would be like- "This sucks. Your a horrible writer!" Or something like that. I guess I'm a pessimist. Italics means I'm thinking Kay? Y'all were so nice! Anyway here's a chapter for you! Thanks for your reviews and kind words!**

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"Of course she's a human flea. Besides..." Shizuo looks away from me and takes out a cigarette.

_He was probably thinking of what I whispered to him._

That made me feel warm, because he cared about my words. What I said. Me.

"Ne, Shizu-chan don't smoke in here!" Izaya swiped the cigarette from Shizuo's hand and tossed it to the ground. Apparently that wasn't a good idea. Monsters can't be angered or they will go on a rampage. The blond's hand turned to a fist and punched at Izaya. Missed. Izaya took out a small switchblade and cut the honey eyed man's arm.

"Shizu-chan calm down, monsters should stay calm in front of their prey." Izaya laughed his maniac laugh.

The blond stared at Izaya, his gaze could kill. This made me happy. I knew Izaya was in control.

_Izaya is so nice. So nice._

"No don't fight don't fight!" I sang and laughed at them.

Shizuo suddenly snapped back into reality. He took Izaya's arm and dragged him out of the room, even through Izaya slashing at him. Izaya yelled something but I couldn't hear. I only cared that he was fighting to stay with me, the monster.

Silence returned to the room. The once white floor was covered in some of Shizuo's blood, but since Izaya hurt him it was okay. Everything was okay. They left me, but I'm okay. Okay.

_What is okay?!_

My back suddenly began to hurt. I screamed in agony. No one came. No one. Nothing.

Emptiness had come back to claim me. Claim the monster I was. All I could see was red. I felt pricks all over my body. Pain was seething through my skin. I coughed up red. I breathed red. I choked on red. Then the pain stopped, but I was in a pool of red.

I smiled a fanged smile. I would find them. The ones who left me. They don't deserve to live. They made me a monster. This soulless, heartless, ruthless monster.

My claws ripped the floor as I ran toward my only escape. The illusion of a door would not stop me. I growled and sang my fangs into the plush, blood stained wall. Ripping the door off its hinges, I howled in happiness. It flung far behind me, into the room that was full of red. Full of emptiness.

_Time to kill~_ I sang in my mind._ Time to kill the monsters ~~!_

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I ran through a long hallway. I could only see red and a door. That door was where I must go.

They were through that door. When a man with a gun burst out from the door, I knew I had to kill him. Crush him in my fangs. Until I realized it was the man who had left me, it was Izaya. He yelled something but I couldn't hear anything he said past my own thoughts.

_He left me. he left me. HE LEFT ME!_

I growled so loudly that he flinched at the sound. Thats when he shot something at me. It hit my hind leg. I yelped at the sudden pain and then dizziness swept over me. Before I hit the ground, I saw his fiery eyes staring into mine. The raven was holding onto me. He smiled and a tear ran down his face which made me freeze.

_Izaya. Izaya. Izaya. He is crying. _

"No!" I screamed. I didn't want him to cry. Not for something like me, but not for anything but me. I no longer had fangs or claws. I was back to myself, but I was still a monster. Forever a ruthless killing machine.

Then he whispered in my ear. His breath warm in the cold hallway.

"My humans will never love me. I know that because my love is created by hate. Which means they hate me in return for my love." His grin brought warmth to my cold heart.

"Monsters only can love me. You are a monster just like Shizu-chan. Even though I'd much rather not have that monster love me. Sorry for being wrong, ne? Werewolf."

Just before the darkness managed to pull me down, I put on a weak smile and kissed Izaya's soft crazed lips.

_He's with me. I'm no longer alone. I'll never be alone with Izaya._

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**So izaya cried for me OMIGAWD I'm such a lucky girl! v.v**

**(You can be jealous now.)**

**MUAHHAHA!**

**Anyway thanks for readin and please review guys! Oh Oh and I think Izaya may get sexual...just kidding. Well...at least not now! So werewolf seems fitting right? Sorry if I don't have such a creative creature like a dullahan but still, it's simple cause we know what it is. Sorry I like rambling! Haha ill update like tommorow k?**


	3. Chapter 3 - Waking Up

**Ok y'all's comments are seriously cool. Like really they make me smile so much! Haha anyway here's another chapter!**

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_Am I dead?_

My eyes finally snapped open. I was on a bed, in an area that looked like a possible spare room. The walls were a light blue, and there was a white carpeted floor underneath the bed. There were only white sheets and a light blue comforter that matched the wall's color on the bed.

_Why am I here? Someone's guest room? Who brought me here?_

Izaya. I kissed him before I passed out.

_That's right...he left me. He left me. Alone. In the empty white room stained of blood._

I screamed. I screamed with all my heart and soul. I wanted to be dead, really and truly. Why should a monster like me live? What's life anymore? I felt so numb from everything I couldn't even feel myself cry.

"Your awake!"

I stopped screaming and looked up, and saw a spikey brunette haired man with glasses and a large white lab coat on. He was standing in the doorway of the room. As I took in his appearance I noticed he looked extremely happy.

"You look too happy.." I said through my cracked voice to the man.

"Ah, yes! That's because Celty went on a date with me last night and we even got to do the most wonderful things in our bed! My name is Shinra by the way. Oh here is my beloved!"

The man talked to much. He annoyed me, but I didn't want to act out of line since I was clearly no longer at the insane asylum. Or was I? He seemed insane enough. A shadow loomed beside the man. When I decided to look up to see who it was, I screamed for the second time since I woke up. It wasn't long before a black shadow came from the creature's hand and covered my mouth. My eyes darted left and right, but the shadows engulfed almost all of me so that I was trapped. I had no choice to look at it again.

'It' had no head. No head, and wore all black. It had a woman's body. And it was about my height. But black smoke curled out from where it's neck ended. A black smoke. It was possibly the darkest shade of black I could have ever imagined.

"Celty I think you surprised her with your stunning beauty!" Shinra said in a way that was so perverted I wanted to slash him to pieces with my claws, but I wasn't in my monstrous form now. That doesn't mean I wasn't still a monster.

"Cel..ty..." I whispered, but both the doctor and the headless woman looked at me. I guess I whispered it loud.

The shadows disappeared from my body and I got up and ran over to her. I touched the smoke. Shinra was shocked that I had gotten up, and I probably made him even more shocked because I was messing with Celty's smoke. The headless woman seemed just as shocked as he, but didn't make any move to stop me. I probably would have played with that smoke for hours if I hadn't seen something in the corner of my eye.

Since I was at the doorway, I could see down a hall. And sitting in a chair just outside the room I was in was a man. His hair a black mess, with bags under his eyes from an apparent lack of sleep. His coat was torn and had some bloodstains on it. I saw him twitch, and stopped touching the smoke.

"IZAYA!" I screamed loudly. His name sounding sweet on my lips even through the loudness of my voice.

My legs moved so fast I couldn't even see them move. All I could see was him. The man who filled my emptiness. Who held the monster inside me at bay.

As my arms wrapped around his neck, I could hear him whisper some words in my ear. I woke him from his world. It was probably empty too. All he needed was me. I'll be his monster, I'll fill any void for him, as long as he could fill mine.

"Chiyo I'm...sorry.."

I stood up and stared into his fiery red eyes. These words couldn't be his. I didn't like it. This wasn't him. Where was his smile? His laugh?

_Why..why is he being this way?!_

I covered my ears and sank to the floor on my knees. Izaya got up and then he stared at me not knowing what to do. Apparently he never had an experience like this before.

"No..no...don't...say..those...don't speak to me this way!" I screamed eyes tightly shut. Izaya was acting horrible. He wasn't taking control. He wasn't taming my monster.

_He apologized to me._

"Don't apologize to a monster like me!"

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**Okay so um. Sorry if I'm bad at making myself insane? Um I think I'm doing okay...I mean I don't know! Hahaha! Anyway readers please review! Your comments are most appreciated even if they are cruel! **


	4. Chapter 4 - He is All I Need

**Yes! Another chapter! Oh and I guess I need a disclaimer? Do I? Idk. But I don't own Izaya or Shizuo or Celty or Shinra ! Thanks for y'all's reviews and more are appreciated! **

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"A monster like you? Ne, Chiyo-san. Don't think I say things like this lightly." He grinned.

I looked up at Izaya. He was so beautiful even through his sleepless gaze and ruined clothes.

_Beautiful. Izaya is so beautiful.._

"Anyway! Izaya you made use of the knock-out darts I gave you. I'm so glad! Celty wouldn't let me keep them. Besides they only knock you out for a few hours, I don't see what's so wrong about them-"

_Shut up! I only want to hear Izaya's voice._

Shinra kept talking and talking and all I could do was cover my ears and look at Izaya. Then something hit me.

"Where's Shizu-chan? Where am I?" I asked like I was asking what the weather was like. Even though my insides were still hurting at what Izaya said.

_He apologized._

"Don't worry about that protozoan. You're in Shinra's apartment and if you'd like I could take you to mine since you've woken up."

"Yes! Yes Izaya take me anywhere!" I said up to him.

_If Izaya is with me I'll be okay._

Shinra stopped talking and nudged Celty. They apparently thought what I said was weird. Shouldn't they expect this? They did take me from an insane asylum. The headless woman took out her phone and typed something on it. She showed her phone to Shinra and he nodded.

"Well I hope you two make it back safely! Shinjuku is a pretty long walk." Shinra and Celty walked to the front door, and waited for Izaya and I to follow.

Izaya took a step, but my hand reached out and caught his shirt. I tugged at it.

"Carry me?" I asked in a soft whisper.

His face turned red. Then I felt Izaya's hands lift me up. He held me as if I was a princess. The raven carried me out the door and yelled a bye at the headless woman and crazed lab coated man at the door.

He carried me for almost an hour down the loud noise of the streets. Thugs ran past us, and I saw down an alleyway a man begging for his life.

_Who cares about them? Izaya is all I need._

I began to close my eyes. The soft bumping against his warm chest, no matter how blood coated it was, felt nice.

_I'm his princess. His monster. He owns me._

He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Rest little monster. Everything's okay."

I nodded and smiled.

_No more apologizing. I won't let him apologize ever again._

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**__****Okay I know some of you am be sad because you weren't kissed my Izaya but that's okay! I won't share him with you though. He is mine. v.v**

**Anyway thanks for reading and leave a review! c:**

**Oh and if you have ideas for the story those are great too!**

**I just make this up as I go...**


	5. Chapter 5 - A Meeting with Shizu-chan

**Yeah I guess Izaya is out of character but oh well! You'll find out soon why he's like that and it's for a reason ! Erm..yeah. (BUT ITS CAUSE HE LOVES ME RIGHT? ;( )Oh and by the way I had a PM I am not actually 23, btw. It's just I wanna be like, Izaya's age and all so I picked an age close to his.**

**I HAD A GREAT IDEA FOR THE STORY! Here goes.**

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"IZAYYAAAAA KUUUUUNNNN!"

The name rang in my ears. I fell to the hard concrete ground, and scraped my arm. A man with blonde hair was the first thing I saw when my eyes snapped open. He was holding a stop sign and a vein was popping out of his right temple. He roared Izaya's name again in rage. It was Shizuo.

_The monster looks angry._

Izaya had dropped me, and he was holding out a knife towards the bartender.

His red eyes were bright, as if he expected this.

"Ne, Shizu-chan arn't you a horrible person for destroying my leisurely walk through Shinjuku. Speaking of which, why are you here?"

The blonde was so angry that when he took a step towards the red eyed man, his foot went through the concrete and made a hole.

"YOU STOLE THAT GIRL FROM THE ASYLUM AND MADE ME LOSE MY JOB AGAIN YOU DAMNED FLEA!"

He heaved the sign at Izaya.

_If Izaya is hit with that sign it's all over.._

I screamed.

"Iz..Izaya look out!"

The raven grinned and jumped over the sign like it was nothing. He scooped me back up.

"Shizu-chan that's your problem. We all have them, ne? Usually we settle them with words instead of violence though. See you."

With that Izaya ran and jumped over the steaming Shizuo. His legs took us through the city's roads. Running in alleys holding me tight so as not to drop me.

I could no longer see the raging blonde.

_Izaya saved me from a monster other than myself. So nice so nice.. ~~_

As I sang in my mind I realized Izaya had stopped moving.

Down the alley I saw a gang of people with yellow scarves on.

They saw Izaya and came closer.

"Hey where's Shizuo?" One of them yelled at the raven.

"IZZZAYYYAAA KUNNN!"

The bartender yelled after us. The gang went after Shizuo and he began flinging the gang members everywhere.

I felt us moving again. There were so many gang members covering up Shizuo's figure that I couldn't even make it out. Izaya was getting us to safety!

_Izaya I love you.._

* * *

"We're here! Home sweet home." Izaya put me down and unlocked a door to a very large apartment.

I stepped through the door and it was even more massive on the inside then I thought.

_It's so big.._

A woman's voice came from upstairs.

"Izaya who is with you? I heard more than one pair of footsteps down there, is my brother here?"

With those last words said, I heard footsteps race down stairs. Was she coming this way?

_What? I'm not anyone's brother.._

The next thing I knew, a woman with a green sweater and a red skirt was in front of me. Her black tights looked almost as dark as Celty's smoke.

"Who is she?" She said with now an emotionless face.

Her eyes told me she was disappointed though.

"Namie I will tell you everything, Chiyo-san please go into that room there."

He pointed with his finger to an empty room. Once I was inside he closed the door.

"Wait in here okay?"

_Listen to him. _

"O..okay Izaya!"

I heard footsteps outside the door. I couldn't help but press my ear to the door. I wanted to listen to Izaya's voice more.

"She...then...escaped...monster...I'm using her...it will help...gang wars..."

I could only make out some words, and some were in phrases. I didn't understand what he meant so I just stayed put until I heard the doorknob turn.

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**Understand now? He's using me ;(**

**Anyway. He is still mine. v.v**

**Please review guys! I'll make another chapter later or tommorow. I make chapters whenever I get an idea and that happens a lot so I could make like...five chapters in a day, you know?**


	6. Chapter 6 - Betrayal

**Okay so now all you craving some action finally receive it! You'll never have guessed what I did. Anyway, the story is playing out in my mind and I'm already sure y'all will love it! It'll be great. Insanity lovers, I present another chapter.**

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When the door opened, I took a peek out over Izaya's shoulder, since he had opened the door, and saw a bloody Namie. She wasn't moving. I was confused at first and then decided to ask why Namie was like that. He probably killed her.

_I don't care about her._

I turned to look at Izaya. His coat was drenched in blood, and he had drops of it all over his face. I froze at this sight.

_IZAYA IS HURT!...why is he smiling?_

Izaya wore a large grin. He had a crazed look in his red eyes that made me flinch. Normally I would smile, but the crazed look was different. This gaze of his could kill.

A woman stood behind him. His smile got wider when I noticed her. Her fingers were stained with Namie's blood. She licked her fingers and closed her eyes as if enjoying the taste. That's when the horror began.

The woman jumped on me and sent her fangs into my neck. She pushed me to the floor and held me down with inhuman strength. Her nails dug into my skin making my wrists bleed. She licked the blood from my wrists. I couldn't move. I was paralyzed.

_He betrayed me. _

The woman sat up for a second to look at her prey. Me. She was still holding me down harshly. The vampire chuckled. Fangs sank into my neck again. Blood was oozing from my ripped flesh. I began to black out from blood loss.

_I must stay awake. I have to stay awake!_

_Why? Why can't I just die._

_Because I must be the one to murder this monster inside me!_

"Izaya..." I whispered tears falling from my eyes. The salty water feel to the floor. Those tears were just empty water now. Empty.

In the corner of the room the raven stood laughing at my crumpled form. I couldn't turn into my monstrous form. I couldn't rip his beautiful, cruel smile from his face. I was a monster inside a weak body, and this weak body was slowly being devoured by the vampire. Her red eyes glowed into my blue ones.

As clear as they were, they were losing even more color.

Soon they would be clear.

Empty.

I would be empty again.

_I deserve to be this way._

"Why.." I choked out, and blood came from my mouth. It dropped onto my clothes and seeped into my emptiness.

_I'm a monster._

"Mon..monster.."

_Monsters deserve to die. I deserve death._

"Die..."

The raven laughed again.

"You really fell for my trick, ne? Humans do the same. Such horrible things they are, but they are the most interesting. I help them, but when I decide to add a little fun in for my entertainment they decide to hate me. I can't have a monster become human so...here's another monster you can learn from Chiyo-San! Monsters need to die, so my humans can live in peace..or at least they can't suffer from anyone except me. Their god."

The vampire froze at what he said. She turned her head, right when a wooden stake impacted her heart. Blood splattered everywhere. The wall's paint would be ruined after this. The floors would probably never be able to be cleansed from the red stains.

_Why?_

Red, it was all I could see and feel. All I knew. The pain it held and the pain it shared with me.

Izaya had stabbed her. The raven tsked at her as she turned to dust.

"She was about to attack me, ne? Your next."

He took out a pistol.

_No._

_No._

_I won't die._

_I can't let a monster live._

_I can't let this soulless monster live._

The monster inside me roared. My skin was on fire. My eyes burned with hatred for the man. He laughed wildly.

"Your going to fight me werewolf! An honor, but I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

The raven aimed the pistol at my heart. I could see blood drip off his fingertips. His fiery eyes met my empty blues.

_I won't let this monster kill me._

_I'm the true monster._

_I'm the heartless, soulless, ruthless monster._

_But I must live._

_I must live to kill this man._

Izaya pulled the trigger.

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**My beloved! Betrayal! Truth be told, it hurt me to write this. Who wants to write about their own demise?! v.v**

**Well this isn't the end. Oh no. Much more will come. But you guys will have to wait. At least until tomorrow...or maybe tonight if I get bored and wanna write**.** Oh and guys just so you know, my name, Chiyo Ai. I love it because Chiyo means eternal, and Ai means love. So my name is Eternal Love in English. Epic right?**

**PLEASE REVIEW! 33**


	7. Chapter 7 - Another Monster Dead

**Ok so by now I'm EXTREMELY sad that Izaya would kill me. I can't believe I made the story this way. Anyway it's for the best, because more comes ! Here's the new chapter!**

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Nothing.

Izaya pulled the trigger again. The blood had stopped dripping from his perfect fingers.

A small sounding click sounded in the empty room. The world seemed to freeze. We were looking at each other, beast and "god" at the crossroads of life.

Nothing came out. Nothing happened.

"I forgot bullets..." He says with a shocked gaze. He was staring at the gun as if it had just bitten him.

_Kill him. Kill him before he kills you. Kill the monster!_

I growled and jumped forward, reaching my paws out to take hold of Izaya. To rip the man who betrayed me to shreds.

_Monster. He's the monster!_

He saw me out of the corner of his eye, and I saw his muscles begin to kick in.

Missed.

The raven moved out of the way, whistled at me to get my attention, and ran out of the room. I howled and chased him down a hallway towards a large window. The raven saluted me, broke a huge hole in the window with the gun, and jumped out. The window. He jumped.

I froze.

_The monster jumped. The monster jumped. The monster jumped._

I laughed. My form crumpled back into the weak human body I usually was. The weak legs made me fall to the floor. Red was all my eyes picked up. I laughed and laughed until I choked on my laughter.

"THE MONSTER IS DEAD!" I screamed.

"IT'S DEAD! IT'S DEAD!"

A huge smile overtook my previous snarl.

_The monster is finally dead!_

I got up with much difficulty, but eventually made it out of the apartment. Bloodstained, bruised, and excited. My ripped flesh finally began to clot my blood. I was feeling much better.

_Monsters cannot love. Monsters like me cannot love._

_No._

_It's the humans who cannot love._

_They destroy love. They rip it up the moment they realize they have it and can smile through others' pain._

By now I was on the street. People were staring at me. My appearance must have been horrible.

_They are going to tell the others._

_Send me back to the asylum._

_I CAN'T LET THEM DO THAT!_

My skin was on fire. My tainted flesh burned. I was tainted. I was a tainted monster.

I roared an animal's roar. The beast inside me wanted to rip the humans up. Chew their flesh and bones until they were nothing but emptiness. The emptiness that they tried to engulf me in.

_Izaya is dead! The monster is dead! Nothing can stop me now!_

I jumped on a group of people and bit their necks off. My paw hit a woman's face and crushed her skull. I howled in happiness.

I was erasing the emptiness.

"YOU ARE THE SOULLESS ONES! THE ONES WHO CREATE EMPTINESS! THE MONSTERS!" I screamed. Every human around me was dead. Red was everywhere, along with scattered bones and ripped flesh. I was back to my human form. The monster inside had no control. It was just as ruthless as they say.

I ran down the bloodied streets until I reached a perfectly dark alleyway. I ran inside it and collapsed on the side of a trash bin. It was big enough to block passerbys from seeing me.

The full moon was out, but I couldn't see a single star. I didn't care.

Blackness was finally coming to claim me. The darkness of sleep. I had almost forgot my extreme amount of bloodloss.

I had killed one of the monsters who betrayed me. Now I killed another.

_Do not trust them. They only deceive._

"Shizu-chan is next!" I laughed at my words before I blacked out.

* * *

**Okay so how many of you actually believe Izaya is dead. Erm. He's Izaya. He's my beast... v.v**

**Next chapter will explain a ton of things so don't miss it! Oh and please review!**


	8. Chapter 8 - Truth

** Okay it took all I had too put this chapter out there.**

** ~Depressed~**

**Thanks for your reviews guys.. x_x**

* * *

_Blood. It was everywhere. The world was stained with the red liquid._

_"Why..? You...your supposed to be dead!" I screamed, but it felt as if he hadn't heard me._

_Izaya's shadow engulfed me. His laughter cruel and something I now despised._

_"Your dead! Your dead! Your dead!" I yelled over and over. As if the words would take affect and actually make the monster who stood over me disappear._

_"You thought the great Izaya Orihara could die? From a creature like you?"_

_The way he said 'you' made me feel weak. It made me feel like I was nothing. I didn't want to feel this way, especially not from this man._

_"You did die! You jumped out the window!"_

_He laughed like a maniac. His pistol pointed towards my heart. Again._

_Izaya pulled the trigger._

* * *

"Oi! Wake up!"

My eyes snapped open. Water was running down my face. My fingers instinctively went to the clear wet liquid. Tears.

_I'm crying._

"Your finally awake."

I look up and see an annoyed looking blonde haired man in a bartender's outfit.

_Shizuo._

"Shizu-chan..why?"

"I told you my name was Shizuo." He said in an annoyed tone.

"Shizuo I have to kill the monsters..all the monsters..."

I wiped the tears from my face. The nightmare felt so real. It felt like I was about to be killed by Izaya again. I couldn't bear the pain of being killed by that monster. I can't bear it.

"Izaya told you to right? I knew it.."

I looked at Shizuo. What did he just say? Izaya was dead. He didn't tell me to kill the monsters. I chose this path for myself. I was too tainted. Too empty. All I had left was my insane idea to kill all the monsters who betrayed me. That was all that was left inside my hollow shell, well that and my extreme hope that I could still love. Now even that hope was gone. The second monster, Izaya, he had taken that hope from me to his grave.

"What?"

"Look. Izaya may just say he is an informant, but that flea is more than that. He's the world's most infamous monster hunter. Lately he has killed so many that most monsters have gone into hiding."

I looked away from Shizuo. Something clicked in my brain. I remember leaving my job early because I had heard a monster hunter was running around and killing every monster he saw. If I remember right though, he could have killed me way before now. Why did he take me to Shinra's? Why did he cry for me?

Shizou realized I was deep in thought. He snapped his fingers in my face. I looked back up to him. He tossed some files to the ground beside me. It was yellow and I saw a picture of myself on the cover. There was also a picture of Izaya on another.

"Remember? I know enough information on you to know you left your job early around the time Izaya became huge. From there you were sent to an insane asylum for murdering your fiance..and you just so happened to go to the asylum I was working at. I wasn't working there for very long but still. That damned man made me lose my job again. Not only did the flea track you down, he was about to kill you.. I don't know why he didn't. Maybe it's because you hugged him."

_I did hug him._

That's when I realized it.

"Don't people always hug Izaya?"

"What? Who would hug something like HIM! He is the most hated flea everywhere he goes."

Empty. He was empty too.

_He was empty._

_And when I hugged him he..he didn't feel empty anymore. Right?_

_He must have cried because he found out I was a monster._

_He apologized not for shooting me..no...it was because he was going to kill me._

_I was probably the first to tell him that I loved him._

Did that monster ever hear those words..? Even if they were the type of fake ones I received from my fiancé?

I shook my head violently.

_He was a monster. I killed him. He had to be a monster._

And monsters like us do not deserve love.

Shizuo rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Where did you get this file on me.."

The bartender dropped his hand and flinched. He began to speak very angrily.

"I had just found out where Izaya lived, and since he made me lose my job for the thousandth time I was going to finally hunt him down and kill him."

Then Shizuo's voice became softer and there was a hint of fear in his voice.

"But..when I got to his apartment...there was a woman covered in blood. She wasn't breathing and I was about to call the cops until I saw something in her hand."

Shizuo pointed to the files he dropped.

I smiled a fanged smile. I was sick of it. This was all a lie. Everything he said.

_Monsters like him will only deceive._

My burning flesh began to feel like it was on the sun. The pain was unbearable. Even more unbearable than it usually was. I screamed in agony and decided not to transform.

"Oi..are you okay?"

I glared at him angrily.

_Kill the monster. Come on. I'll do it for you._

The monster whispered the sweet words of revenge in my ear.

Shizuo shot an angry glance back at me.

"Are you going to take me back?" I said harshly, digging my fingers into the concrete. I felt a small pain and realized they were bleeding, but I didn't really care.

"Back?"

"To..the asylum."

"Why would I do that? You look bad enough already. I do think you should find shelter though, yesterday there was a mass killing in the city. Ikebukuro is in total chaos claiming it was the dollars-"

I was in Ikebukuro now? I had hoped to be much farther away. Just to get away from the place where Izaya died.

"Oi!"

I felt two strong hands shaking me.

"You weren't even listening. What a waste of time.."

* * *

**Okay um..yay some truth...uh...sort of a critical review I got last. I have no idea how this story even came to be like this honestly. Just some random ideas pop into my mind.**

**Anyway..**

**~In a huge depression now~**

**Please review guys.. x_x**


	9. Chapter 9 - Izaya

**Okay sorry I take reviews very critically so don't feel like I hate you or anything! I appreciate honesty. c;**

**Heres a new chapter!**

* * *

Shizuo released his harsh grip on my now aching shoulders.

The atmosphere seemed to have gotten darker.

The bartender thought I would listen to him. Why would I? He already had said too much to make my head spin even worse than it was.

"I don't listen to monsters like you!" I spat out angrily. My throat throbbed from using it.

The blonde made a fist but ignored what I had said. He was too busy..sniffing the air?

The bartender stiffened and uttered one word, and when he said it I'm sure the world had stopped moving.

"IZAAAYYAAA!"

I looked around, and sure enough at the end of the alleyway stood the raven.

_He's alive._

"No..your dead..." I said shakily pointing a finger at Izaya.

"Werewolf-San I'm sure you've heard of emergency exit stairs?"

_Werewolf-San..?_

Izaya grinned his cruel grin and took out a small switchblade. The metal looked sharp and had a shiny glow. The sun reflected off it and a bright glare hit my eyes. My hand rubbed them, for the scene before me and from the light.

Shizuo grabbed the large dark green trash bin that was hiding me from passerbys the night before and heaved it at Izaya. The blonde was radiating pure and undeniable anger aimed at the monster. The raven took a step to the side, dodging the large flying canister. He laughed.

"Shizu-chan I'd love to play with you, but I need those files. I'll have to kill you both soon anyway so we will have our fun then. Poor little Namie shouldn't have looked at them..ne?

I was still slumped on the cement from when I had passed out. My black clothes were ripped and blood-stained. I had dried blood and dirt crusted all over myself. I felt horribly thirsty and hungry because I had lost so much blood.

I shook my head.

_I must be seeing things. Izaya died. He's dead._

My gaze returned to the end of the alleyway. The monster was still there, and he was grinning. Izaya was alive.

_Kill him. Make sure he's dead this time._

I couldn't. Transforming was too painful. That didn't mean I didn't want to maul this beast in front of me.

Izaya ran toward the files on the ground. His hand scooped them up before the blonde and I had realized what had happened.

Shizuo roared Izaya's name again.

I was still frozen. The shock that the monster was still alive was enough to make me paralyzed.

_The monster was supposed to be dead._

_He did die._

_Didn't he?_

I couldn't clear the words from my head. I had too many questions and no time to ask them. Not that I would ask monsters anyway. They would just leave me with lies and betray me again.

They would leave me with emptiness.

I saw the bartender take off after Izaya. Both men began to disappear from my sight.

_I have to chase them. I have to kill them._

My legs attempted to help me stand, but they fell from beneath me. My body was sprawled on the ground. It laid on cold cement in an alley somewhere in Ikebukuro.

I couldn't stand.

I couldn't calm my thoughts.

I couldn't murder the monsters.

* * *

**Okay! Well now most questions are answered. Erm, it's about to get really action packed so be prepared! I hope y'all liked this chapter**

**Love you guys! Please review! c;**


	10. Chapter 10 - Thoughts Taking over Me

**Moving on. No action in this chapter. (Sorry! Please don't kill me v.v) Just some time for my thoughts. New chapter ~**

**Okay one thing : _"This means the 'monster' _****_inside me is speaking."_**

* * *

_What can I actually do?_

_"That's right. Without me your nothing."_

_I am...I..._

_"Why won't you let me take over? Your too weak anyway."_

_I'm not that weak.._

_"Then go after them! WE NEED TO KILL THEM!"_

I tried to stand again. My body couldn't take it and once again my legs fell from beneath me. My chapped lips uttered a low groan as my face slammed against the cement. The pain made me almost faint. I coughed up blood onto the black alleyway. My mind was still straining itself with what it just learned. I was sick of this. Of everything.

_Why can't I just kill myself?_

_"I won't let you."_

_He's alive._

_That would be one more monster gone. One more i'll never have to worry about again, but then I wouldn't be able to kill those two other monsters. The ones who betrayed me. I must kill them before myself._

_Izaya is alive._

_Why can't I be a human like everyone else?_

_"Because I live inside you."_

_That monster still walks around causing pain and emptiness._

_I'm a monster. A ruthless monster in an empty soulless shell with no heart. A ruthless, soulless, heartless monster._

_He's betraying someone now._

_Why do I have to be this way?_

_"You became this way on your own. You brought everything on yourself. I only helped you achieve what you wanted because you're too weak to."_

_If Izaya lives then more people will have to feel the emptiness he shares with them._

_..If I'm not myself the monster will completely take over._

_The monster is soulless._

_Hasn't it already?_

_"I am you."_

_The monster is ruthless._

_...I don't know._

_Izaya is heartless._

I couldn't take it. Too many thoughts at once pounded in my head.

_"If you let me take over I'll kill them."_

_I WANT TO KILL YOU!_

_"You need me. Your too weak."_

_I WAS NEVER WEAK!_

_"You were always weak, and you'll always be weak without me."_

_...No..._

_"You know it very well. LET ME TAKE OVER!"_

My raw bloodied skin began to burn.

_NO! I...I CAN'T TAKE IT!_

Tears began to run down my face. I never wanted to be a monster. I never wished to become one. So how come I was one?

_"Weak. How come I have to share the same body with you?"_

_YOU'RE THE ONE DESTROYING IT!_

_"Am I? IT WAS YOU WHO GOT US INTO THIS. I JUST GAVE YOU POWER. YOU'RE THE TRUE MONSTER."_

I saw a black motorcycle appear beside me. The sound of a horse's neigh rang in my ears. Riding the horse was a female in all black clothes with a yellow cat eared helmet. At first I thought it was a normal slutty biker, until I noticed some eerie black smoke seeping out of the helmet.

It was Celty.

I wanted to scream, but my throat still throbbed and ached horribly. I wanted everything to go away. I wanted to live in a world without monsters and without betrayal.

_I can't live in a world like that though._

_Why not?_

_Because I'm one of those monsters._

* * *

**Well now Celty has come back into the story! Oh and I had a lot of thoughts this chapter.**

**Ah well. Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11 - Another Monster?

**Ne, thanks for the reviews guys! **

**Back to the story though. Where there is a Celty there is always a crazy doctor named Shinra.**

** New chapter ~**

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Celty reached a black gloved hand out towards me. As if I could reach it! I had no strength left and could barely move. My whole body had cuts and bruises, and fresh blood seeped from my forehead. Some fell in my mouth. The red liquid tasted horrible, like metal. I spat it out, and my throat burned in response. My lips were smeared with the blood.

_Heh...even my body wants me to die.._

A shiver ran through Celty when she saw me spit out blood. Was she worried about me?

"Don't..worry...my monster..and I...cannot die..this easily..."

The words came out in small spurts, and I barely even made the last word come from my lips. Pain erupted once again in my probably now destroyed throat. Suddenly I began to wonder if those words were true.

Celty took out a cellphone and typed on it frantically. Then, the headless woman showed me the message.

[Don't worry? You look on the verge of death!]

Trembling fingers made the text hard to read. Once I had made out the words though, I sighed. It sounded more like a high squeal than of a sigh. In any case, Celty was right. My body and I couldn't take much more.

_The verge of death.._

The next second, a black substance completely covered me. I was in a large empty black sphere. There was no light, no sound, and barely enough air to keep me going. What was going on? Was Celty doing this?

_What is she doing?!_

_"You trusted another monster. Arn't you stupid."_

My body froze from the monster's words. Another monster...

_Another monster?!_

Pain practically made up my body. It took me over and made me want to die. I couldn't even think anymore. Eventually I decided just to let the darkness consume me.

* * *

The first thing I heard when I woke up was Shinra's voice. It was that same annoying voice that was way to happy. Though when I heard it now, it seemed as if it was slightly, ever so slightly, less annoying.

"Yes she seems to be fine! In fact her body has healed very fast! No broken bones, just a lot of blood loss. A few minor cuts here and there but other than that her body is in perfect condition! Oh, of course it could never be as perfect as your body though my beloved Celty!"

His voice turned from annoying to an even more, super annoying perverted voice.

Suddenly a loud smack rung in my ears. It made my eyes snap open.

"She's only been out for two days Celty, no need to worry!"

I saw Shinra with one hand on his cheek, and Celty dusting off her hands. He was wearing the same long lab coat as before along with black pants. Of course Celty wore the same tight black fitting clothes, but this time her helmet was off again. Extremely dark black smoke oozed out of her neck.

I was in an all white room, the only bit of color was coming off of those two. Or maybe it was just because my eyes were still not used to being used. Shinra was standing in the doorway with Celty. The headless woman turned her neck toward me as if looking at me. Then Shinra followed her gaze as well.

The doctor smiled when he saw me with eyes wide open. He strode over to me and opened that big mouth of his.

"Ah, she's awake!"

* * *

**Yep. How many times have I blacked out in this story so far? I just am wondering. Probably a lot. Why can't I just stay awake, pfft.**

**Anyway thanks for reading and please review!**


	12. Chapter 12 - Embarrassed

**Once per chapter? Well this time I didn't. Hallelujah. New chapter ~**

* * *

The moment Shinra spoke I realized that I couldn't move. Otherwise he would probably have been choked right here and now. I would have loved to wring that neck of his so much that I could barely control myself. My body was completely paralyzed. None of my limbs would move to the commands my brain sent out.

_Are these two planning something?_

_Is this why I'm paralyzed?_

_What are they going to do.._

I stared coldly at Shinra, trying to get the message across that I didn't like his presence.

"Oh..erm...Celty I think she realized we changed her into the different clothes.."

_WHAT?!_

_THEY CHANGED MY CLOTHES?!_

I realized that in fact, his words were true. I was wearing just a shirt and underwear, what types I did not know because I could not move to check. When my eyes widened and got even harsher at Shinra he began to back up against the wall. The doctor put out his arms as if defending something and spoke in a rushed manner.

"Chiyo I'm sorry! At least I didn't bathe you, I let Celty do that."

_BATHE ME?!_

_CELTY BATHED ME!?_

I wanted to die. Again. Not from pain, no, just from sheer embarrassment.

_I'm 23..what's wrong with these people?! Couldn't they have left me alone?!_

_"Hah, even a monster like you can get embarrassed!"_

_SHUT UP DAMNIT!_

My face had turned bright red. Shinra stopped his defensive pose and began to relax, and Celty typed on her phone. She walked over to me and shoved the black cell in my face. The words made me want to scream.

[Chiyo we had to get rid of your ability to move for awhile. This also means you can't talk. Please understand that we are only doing this so that you can heal faster without putting anymore strain on your body.]

Then the headless woman typed something else and showed Shinra. Celty left the room as soon as the doctor was done reading the message. His gaze turned towards me again.

"My darling Celty has some things to do out there in that chaotic city! Oh I do wish she would just stay with me..."

When Shinra's words began to trail off I saw a perverted smile appear on his lips.

_The hell is wrong with him?!_

_I need to go kill the monsters now..!_

_"Haha! Another monster bathed you."_

_A perfect reason I should kill her too!_

_"Well your too weak to use my power so good luck with that."_

_..I could use a gun like normal people do!_

_"BAKA! Hahaha! Where would someone like you get a gun?"_

_Erm..somewhere...as long as I can kill the monsters it doesn't really matter..._

_"I'm your only weapon. You need me. Only I will give you the power you need to kill them."_

The monster continuously went against all my thoughts. Did I really need it? Why was it just starting to talk now?

_If I needed you so much why didn't you talk before now?_

_"I didn't think you'd be so stupid as to try to die. Really, I can't trust you with our body._

_OUR BODY?! It's __**my**__ body._

* * *

**Haha..I share a body with a monster. That's fun right? Try not to be jealous.**

**Ah the next chapter will be out whenever..please review though!**


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